Ebony K. Williams recently said in an interview with Iyanla Vanzant that she wouldn’t date a bus driver, unless he owned the bus. She later doubled down by saying that black people have been conditioned to accept mediocrity due to white supremacy. She doesn’t want average and she said to women that they shouldn’t accept average either. 

I could quote the statistics that state the average salaries of men and women, or that most people’s salaries fall between the ranges of X and Y, and any number of quantifiable metrics about relationships between men and women. However, I want to have a qualitative discussion today. 

Driving a bus is what you do, but it isn’t who you are. Please read that again. Far too many modern women today select men for what they do, because they believe with that information they can assume what they have. If a man is a bus driver, his salary falls between X and Y. If a man is a surgeon, his salary is between 5X and 5Y. 

Women like Eboni select men based on their desires for salary and lifestyle, but far too often later discover that despite the higher salary, the man lacks the ineffable qualities that she is looking for in said man. Also, if a woman chooses a man based on a superficial characteristic like his income and possessions, then is it OK for said man to choose women on superficial characteristics like beauty, youth, body type?

Ebony K is 39 years old. Despite her beauty and accomplishments, the type of man who she wants can marry a younger more cooperative woman. Beauty and money can be taken away or lost, but who a person is cannot be taken away. I just read another article stating that Eboni K is planning to be a single mother – the single most proven statistic that provides the worst outcomes for children. Is it possible that she is not the kind of woman that the men who she wants would chose and she doesn’t have a choice about being a single mother?

I submit that if she had prioritized family, like she prioritized her law degree, perhaps she could have had both, instead of going the IVF route. And do you know why she hasn’t found a husband or stable significant other? Do you know why so many black women are single and without a husband or significant other? Because they keep looking at what a man does and has instead of who he is.